Bedroom golf, rules and objectives
Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.
Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole, and unlike outdoor golf the objective is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
For most effective play the club should have a firm shaft.
Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club to avoid damage to the hole.
The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do this may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
It is considered bad etiquette to begin playing a hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with special attention to the well formed bunkers and the tee box.
Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.
Players are encouraged to carry protective 'wet weather' clothing, just in case.
Players should ensure that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time.
Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else is playing what they consider to be a private course.
Players should not assume a course is in shape to play at all times.
Some players may be embarrassed to find the course to be temporarily under repair.
Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative holes to play on the course when this is the case.
Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before attempting to play the back nine.
Slow play is encouraged; however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request.
It is considered outstanding performance, time and players fitness permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player.
Players are advised to think twice before considering membership at a given course.
Additional assessment may be levied by the course owner and the rules are subject to change without warning. For this reason, many players prefer to continue to play several different courses. If a player arrives at a course, only to find it closed they are advised to try again first thing in the morning, after breakfast has been provided for the course owner.
Unlike outdoor golf, the three hours drinking in the clubhouse normally occurs before the match begins. Indeed the more seasoned player actually finds that this can dramatically improve his game. However care must be taken not to drink to excess as this can make play impossible.
Many players dream of playing two courses simultaneously, however careful consideration must be employed as only one hole can be properly played at any one time. Care must also be taken when suggesting this to a course owner as this, in most cases, is liable to offend.
Some course owners are happy for motorised equipment to be used on their courses, but always check first.
Finally, and most importantly, always make sure your club is clean before arriving at the course. Course owners will not let any play commence unless the players equipment is free of dirt and grime from previous matches.
Copyright Roy Dickason, October 2002 and May 2013.