The latest medicines for women
Take two and the rest of the world can go to hell for eight hours.
St Mum's wort
Plant extract that treats mum's depression by rendering pre-school-age children unconscious for up to six hours.
Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful the kids were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence and improves flirting.
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life story with a total stranger.
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person... can we get naked now?"
Injectable stimulant to be taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, or phone number.
Administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
Copyright Roy Dickason, October 2002 and May 2013.