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What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man? Big Foot's been spotted several times.

What's the smartest thing a man can say? "My wife says."

Why is it good that there are female astronauts? When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.

What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground? A. Shoot him again.

How can you tell when a man is well-hung? When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Why do little boys whine? Because they're practising to be men.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One: he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. or Three: one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

What do you call a handcuffed man? A Trustworthy.

Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilise one egg? Because not one will stop and ask directions.

Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

What is the difference between men and women? A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

How does a man keep his youth? By giving her money, firs and diamonds.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"


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Copyright Roy Dickason, October 2002 and April 2019.